Over it

I've been struck by the saying that Obama pulled from the bible during his inauguration, "It is time to put childish things aside." These last few weeks have been very destructive to my spirit on a number of levels. Almost all of the tangible foundations of the last 15 years in my life have in less than 25 day been destroyed and altered beyond what I can comprehend. The doors that made those times in my life exciting, enjoyable and at times profound have crumbled to pieces. Signs of their collapse has been evident for sometime and not unexpected but the pillars falling so quickly so abruptly has unsettled the very core of my being. The past has wilted away to a sliver of nostalgia and regret. So my morbid mind and soul lament the guiding lights of my youth, the page turns with my eyes full of tears at what forever is lost.

To mourn the past I plan to let go of my attachments to it, the unrealistic nostalgic pipe dreams that feel at once uplifting and heavy to my soul. So I'm done with it and with some many things of before but now serve no purpose, I'm over it.

Hootie & Blowfish - Time
Time, why you punish me?
Like a wave bashing into the shore
You wash away my dreams.

Time, why you walk away?
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying

Can you teach me about tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow
Running free?
Cause tomorrow's just another day
And i don't believe in time

Time, i don't understand
Children killing in the street
Dying for the color of red
Time, hey there red and blue
Wash them in the ocean, make them clean,
Maybe their mothers won't cry tonight

Can you teach me about tomorrow
All the pain and sorrow
Running free?
But tomorrow's just another day
And i don't believe in...

Time is wasting
Time is walking
You ain't no friend of mine
I don't know where i'm goin'
I think i'm out of my mind
Thinking about time

And if i die tomorrow, yeah
Just lay me down in sleep

Time, you left me standing there
Like a tree growing all alone
The wind just stripped me bare, stripped me bare
Time, the past has come and gone
The future's far away
Now only lasts for one second, one second
Can you teach me about tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow
Running free?
'cause tomorrow's just another day
And i don't believe in time

Time, why you punish me?

Hard times?

Gosh, is all I have to say, and that I feel a bit numb to what is going on around me.  Life altering changes both good and bad.  I felt this most acutely when after tying to clean and loofing around the house I started watching college basketball when the news of the police being shot was first broken.  A uneasy tension fell on me as I hoped they were just shot and not dead.  But like the sober news that was later told the threads of my friends and family's lives has turned from initial sad news to even worse news.  But life continues ahead undetered, Pilli is fully recovered from her bout with the flu but much like getting Obama in office there is going to be a period of time that all the crap that was hidden before will be coming to light.  Its painful and super unsettling to our detached public and person pyche to be confronted by so much horrific and bad news, 6 people killed this weekend, agh...sick family members and ridiculous economic times.  I pray for help for everyone but damn, it feels like things are starting to fall apart all over. 

Christmas 08

Got an early christmas gift of being demoted and not fired but the knives are out. We've had a great holiday season aside from that and hope to have a good Christmas with my abuela in Gridely and then a good time in Phoenix. Need to work on lots of stuff but am happy to be where we are.

Merry Xmas