Cubans

So today was my cuban day.... just got a whole lot of cuban for a day... recent arrivals to the Country lots of charisma...hope to deal with them more....

Memorable day

Just wanted to comment on a very good last weekend. Drove to California and fell in love again with the state and all the people that I love, family, friends, hometown. I had written a long blog but it got lost... suck it had lots of inspirational stuff too. Will do that later.

So this was one of the best weeks I've had in a very long time. Saw my family and all my friends with minimal drama. It marks for the first time that I've gone back to Cali and things turn out great. I guess that means things where I'm at are good, and in fact they are. I'm 2 weeks away from starting my job full time. And on top of that it feel like it will be a good job for me at this juncutre of my life. So Pancho is getting his groove back, little by little, I'm causious because I've felt this way before and lost it. But the trip to California I thinks shows how solid this feeling is for not just me but my wife Mari as well. Still need to work hard to get to the place we want to be but that place doesn't seem so far away as it did maybe a year ago. Got some money in the bank and otherwise heatlh is good. Seeing friends reminded me of me long ago. In friendship that have streched nearly a decade it seems wierd that our friendship have countinued. But I guess for me being from Avenal where everyone grows up with a small circle and you have friendship that last over decades, so for my Yale friends to fall into that makes me feel good, kinda complete cuz it like its suppose to be that way. I found most of my friends in good places or at least moving towards good positive places. Plus my best high school and hometown friend Ethan has a stable job with which to provide for his one year old mohawked baby boy. Life is good, and we must thank the earth and sun for their blessings.

Why I love California Girls

'Domestic revolt' in Calif.

Senators protest pastor's remarks on women's role

Associated Press
May. 25, 2004 12:00 AM


SACRAMENTO - California state lawmakers staged a "domestic revolt" Monday, some donning kitchen aprons and scarlet "M's" to protest a pastor who characterized as sinners female legislators with young children at home.

Democratic Sen. Debra Bowen went barefoot on the Senate floor, bringing along a toaster and other kitchen accessories to her desk.

"Today, I'll be serving up a billion dollars in savings for PG&E customers, identity-theft legislation ... along with bacon and eggs, getting my shopping list together and preparing to can," she said.

Legislators were offended by what the Rev. Ralph Drollinger, who leads a Bible study class for lawmakers, wrote during a Bible lesson in April.

"It is one thing for a mother to work out of her home while her children are in school," Drollinger wrote. "It is quite another matter to have children in the home and live away in Sacramento for four days a week. Whereas the former could be in keeping with the spirit of Proverbs 31, the latter is sinful."

About a dozen senators joined the protest, including Senate President Pro Tem John Burton, who presided over the Senate wearing a pink flowered apron.

Drollinger said he was not speaking about single mothers who have to work, nor was he saying women should not run for office.

"I'm all for the female legislators serving our great state with all of their giftedness, in due time," Drollinger said.

Pobresa

What sucks more than being poor? Being poor for an extended period of time. Just this month thanks to my kind in-laws we have not paid rent for two months, which inject about 700 a month into our budget. Before when we were paying rent all but 150-200 were accounted for so that would leave us with say 800 a month unaccounted for. Ah.. but where your poor just like when you don't sleep it all catches up to you. So many things that we've held off on because of our budget were now thinking of buying but just as soon as the money comes it seem that were going on a trip which I estimate at least 400 dollars... bear bones min. so that leave us with say 800 for the month. Now we really need tires to make this trip - 300. Leaving us with 100, now my wife and I tend to forget to tell each other about purchase so that give and take is about another 100... So in a month that we should be good were shittesque because of our held off purchases finally able to be purchased.. Really need to pass my test and start making money.

Kings v. Twolves

Ok Still have lots to do but the kings winning tonight makes me so happy and looking forward to Wenesday.

No hops

So for the last two days I've been working out. Lifting weights and playing ball. But the only sucky thing is that I've got no hopps, none I use to be able to grab and hang on the rim but I can't anymore. AHHHHAHHAA>.. I just want to dunk. I want to make it this summers goal. Other than that I hope my wife gets this new job and that I pass my test next week. Ok off to study.

Feliz Dia de la madres

Hoy en mexico es el dia de la madres. Feliz dia, mama y mari.

Feliz Cumpleanos Madre

Solamente queria saludare y felizitare a mi madre bonita de cumplir ano. Te amo mama.

Swingers

I remember the first time I saw the movie Swingers, it was at the Yale Freshperson's Conference during the "Movie Night" in an outdoor covered assembly hall. This is where I made the acquantaince of a short girl from Texas. Irene was fighting with me from the moment we met both in terrible pain, her her back me my whole body. It was a bond of pain and a bit of competitiveness, namely who hurt more. Damn I thought I haven't started Yale yet but I"m already competing but over pain? Anyways, this movie was one of those that you remember for being there at that time. It was my I'm going to be a Yalie movie, " I was so money, Yale's this little bunny and I"m this Bear with CLAWS, thinking to myself what to do, how do I kill this bunny, and I"m so Money. " I was in so much pain, how could I be money. Looking back I think I did tear up Yale with my claws, but I may have been a bit over zealous at my clawing to fully appreciate the bunny. I miss the bunny, but baby, I'm so money. But the thing that permiates my memory of Swinger more that anything is the loner feeling I got from the main characters, even though they got their friends they still are loners. I am a loner in so many ways, that akward guy in the movie. I sometime wish to live on a mountain away from everyone in the world, but then I realize that other people make this world intresting. I wonder why we get these contradictory view of life, is it desires, chemical imbalances, or just plain frustration over the sometimes overwhelming sensation that life seems to be. But at the end of the Matrix and the end of Swingers they point it out for you, its perseption. Its how you look at it, get over your shit and look forward try to make the best out of it (like the Wasaski brother that's turning into a girl) wierd but if look at it as him be coming happy its easier to swallow.

Ok I know I haven't posted regualary and that this stuff has been a bit out there "streaming thought" I will try to make this more readable, about politics, Chicanismo, and other more worthwhile topics other than memories that are brought back by movies and the moral or meaning behind my own memories. Paz

PS- the movie's ending now and I almost forgot the most important meaning of the movie which the MAtrix lacked. Dance!! It is the meaning of life, infused into the action of life, with its symbolic meaning to proclaim, accentuate, and recreate life. Damn I love to dance. Swing, baby Swing, Go Daddy O'!!

My Daughter's Courage

Today I took care of another 2 year old for about 10 hours. It was an enlightening experience to say the least. I have been a bit conserned about my daughter not speaking full sentences and still babbling baby talk mixed in with some real words. This other baby girl speak well for a 2 year old, very articulite. So as a father I felt like damn my baby is behind, but through the course of the day I saw how my daughter's own character made me feel like she's growing up on the right track. The other little girl has seldom been taken care of outside of her home or with any male. Ciuapilli has only been taken care of by family and only randomly. They are too very head strong kids but good kids nonetheless. The little girl was scare of me the first time I took care of her and not that much today. But every once in a while she would feel lonely and cry for her mom, Ciuapilli (for better or worse) doesn't really get that sad when were gone she just wants to go with us initially. The we went to the park and the girls had a blast, but the little girl was scared by the other kids in the park. Meanwhile Ciuapilli was running around saying hi and setting her own trail when it came to playing. The other girl was scared and need me to be around the whole time. Ciuapilli feel a few time and even mocked herself falling, which had me laughing and angry cuz of all the sand she was getting filled with. Nevertheless, this day of childcare actually opened my eyes to the strenghts of my daughter that I appreciate and bearly noticed till I dealt with a kid that was struggling with them for a day, not to say this little girl doesn't have these strenghts but because she has only been taken care of a few times I understand but it gave me a comparasion.

Ciuapilli vibes with me. She can entertain herself and be by herself for sometime. Her not talking is actually a godsend... back talking kids are a pain cuz 1. they back talk and 2. there kids so you can't put that much on what there saying but damn it pisses you off sometimes. Ciuapilli is really not as much a pain as I though she once was, when put in perspective she really is a very well behaved curious little girl who is as brave as can be, I really can't remember the last time she was scared of anything. (She electrocuted herself two weeks ago in a random plug we hadn't covered and she was by it the other day and hit it but nothing else, no fear no nothing. The other thing I feel in my gut with my baby and was probably acentuated by the fear of the other girl is the trust Ciuapilli has in the people that love her, not just me but her mom, grandparents and aunts and uncles. This above all made my day. To know that my daughter will grow up with faith and trust in the people that love her and hopefully in the world around her, will help her be a very strong Chicana with lots of love for her parents and fellow man. Especially in a world were fear has been commodified to the point that its an accepted part of our lives. I hope the fear of life never overtakes my daughter.

Chicano Art

Just got back from a Art Panel at ASU West with some famous Chicano artist. I was very cool to listen to some Old School Chicano's take on stuff of the moment, mostly where the Chicano movement has been and is going. Ciuapilli was her cute self saying hi to everyone. And the panelist were great, talked about the new paradigm the exsist for Mexican kids that don't take on Chicano as an Idenity but that there is still the need to educate and enlighten them.

My last point is kinda stupid but I wanted to mention it anyways, Jose Mantoya and his brother Malaquías Montoya were part of the panel and Malaquías Montoya had come for a Yale Confrence MEChA put on. Which reminded me of a thought I had when he came last time, with his hat and the way he semi-slouches made me think of him and now his brother as that cousin of Snoop from Peanuts. You know the one with the hat and the moustache. :) I love Chicanos.

Oh no!

There on to us!! CABRON! Mierda!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4815754/

My Political Roots

Anyone who knows me knows that I have an endless curiosity for what we call politics. I can never get enough, to me it is as simple as understanding the reason why people do the things that they do, basically the reasoning behind things. And to me our government is (or should be) the decision making organization that our society/nation relies upon to maintain and give direction to our country. That being said I am very much a liberal minded person and am not and will not be a shamed to say that, but I don't believe in being so much or one mind or ideology that you never listen or consider or people's opinions, especially since our humanity causes us to be wrong like 30% of the time.

Needless to say the past experiences of people dictates a lot of what people will believe and how they will act. That is such a natural thing that we tend to forget about it. So that people that read this blog better understand me I will try to summaries my past so people can understand my view on the present and future.

I am a Chicano. Not the sit on the front porch and work on my lowrider Chicano (although I'd like to do that one day). I am a Yale educated Chicano, who is married to another Chicana with a two year old little Chicana. (yes I'm using the terms Chicano and Chicana interchangeably, not that I don't understand the difference). I am from Avenal, California in Central California. First generation Mexican, from parents that are originally from Huejuquilla in Central Mexico. Have lived a kind of an immigrants-American Dream that has come full circle back to Mexico. Since a lot of immigrants come here for the economic benefit of working and "say" they'll go back once they have enough, most stay because of family, and comfort in the US. My family has put up an enormous struggle to not assimilate and to keep the last part of that dream a reality. 10 day after I was born my family went back to Mexico and on average 2 times a year for most of my life I traveled back (in time it seemed) to Mexico to continually work on our family cattle ranch that survived while we were not there. This coupled with the parental disagreement over the role of Mexico for the family's future ensured a very conflicted vision of Mexico in the grander scheme of my life in my eyes. I love it and hate it at the same time, but I do know that through blood and circumstance I am inevitably linked/bonded with Mexico and my hometown in California. I am a Scorpio if that helps. I am will enjoy my 10 year anniversary of being a Chicano this summer, which happened at a summer conference called CLYLP Chicano Latino Youth Leadership Project that helped free my head from the sand, (check out the link my sister's picture is front and center with the Chicana Power shirt I got her :)) and exposed me to the litany of Chicano culture, life and its spirituality. I had a "Save by the Bell" type of High School experience but with everyone being Mexican; I'm one of those people that loved High School. Went on to Yale where I continued the Chicano Power stuff while studying Politics. Political Science is not my best subject at all, history is, but I feel that it is imperative to understand power structures through organizations, policies and all other Political shit (i.e. economic, efficacy) so that people with little or no power can find some justice in this world.

Okay, its late and I know this post is more streaming thought but I do want to make it a habit which will mutually enlighten everyone that reads and posts to this blog. PS- Great Picture of Spring time Yale at Angela's Blog (check out her link underneath the picture). PD- feel free to negate or add to this in the comments section, ARRIBA!

Death & Pain

I hope nobody is offended by my thoughts on death so here goes. In the last day, my younger brother broke is right wrist after falling on it, just found out that my grandmother broke her wrist (she's 86ish), a girl was found dead on the campus where my sister is going to college, and the pain of the lost of a friends aunt keeps lingering in the way deaths always do. I'm always reminded in the spring of my cousin's death a month after Ciuapilli was born, and of the abrupted halt to our first baby almost 3 years ago. So much changes so fast, but it stays the same... Contradictory but true. One of these is death itself, we can run all our lives from it but sadly we are all mortal, you, me, my daughter, wife everyone we love and hate will die. I don't say this sadistically or happily but just to explain how death seems like one of those things that you either embrace (in a very human way) or completely ignore and reject (like only humans can do) and to varying degrees do both. I personally try to embrace it although the pain the emptiness and the despair that comes with it is nothing you can learn to accept or blow off like nothing. But with the growth of our human brothers and sisters more and more the loss of life becomes so great but so negligible that mere numbers from foreign or even semi-distant places is brushed off like the TV after the news. More and more the death of every single person will sting less because of the sheer size of our world but for those whom shared in the lives of those that die the pain will forever sting the bleeding heart.

-for renee

El Gran Silencio!!!

I was just informed that my favoritist Band in the world will be in Phoenix on Jun 12th... AHH!!!!!!! I'm bouncing in my chair!! this is so great... they are like the coolest Spanish band in the world. Just check out this art from there webpage... Anyways if anyone wants to blog on here not just about me but to add to the discussion then just drop a comment or email. Oh of special request would be to name a band you love and a song that you enjoy... share the music.

Earth Day

I honor of the day United States people honor our mother Earth, I would like to throw out my ideas for fixing our environment. First off is to mandate double the mpg for all cars to be a min. of 35 city. if not you pay 10k extra for your car which would offset the increase in the new technologies prices in new cars (hybrid, fuel cell, whatever). Secondly, get the government into the recylcing business, mostly because most commercial places still haven't taken off or don't have enough junk to turn a profit and whom do we turn to when there is a service that we need that won't necessarily make money, yup Tio Sam. An added benefit would be a new manufacturing government job for unskilled people to go through the garbage. Lastly, make zoning moratoriums for housing. Do this in such a way that houses in suburban areas are only built for one year then are halted. The intent is to slow the spread of sprawl and to force people to consider improving urban and multi-level housing. Granted all these things are not popular and would probably have there own crappy ramifications, like higher prices (which blows for us poor folk) but the benefits would last longer than most of our family names. That something to consider.

Confessions

One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to organize my thoughts through the typed word. Having been out of school for 2 years now feels like an eternity most likely because of the baby. But I feel like I need an outlet for the non-baby, non-marriage, non-family life that I think I have. Most of that involves Chicano politics as I see it, the emergence of a minority majority, and lots of stuff that effects people of color. Lots of this will be things I hope people are thinking about but understand that through the rigors of daily life most people can't.

Secondly, I would enjoy having my friends comment and add to my blog because as I can attest to through my years at Yale and in life, friends make it all a bit more bearable and sometimes help unclog the dams of information just waiting to flow from our minds. My intermost circle is a group of a few Chicanos and mostly Chicanas (plus one Chicana-Rican, and Amy my MEXi-Native) from originally the Class of 2002 which we called O'Duece mostly because yelling 02 at parties was well not good enough for our class. After that is my Yale people outside of my class which is mostly my MEChA Mechistas and people affiliated with them, all cool people. Some of my blogs my be just commenting on how my friends are doing and what I think of them (in a non-gossip way).

Thirdly, and hopefully not for too long I will blog about the trials and tribulations of writing a senior essay (thesis) two year after "graduating" and with a family while living with in-laws. I will try and not use this an escape or procrastination tool but much rather a kinda public diary that will force me do what I say will.

OK, so for my first entry I would like to confess that I failed my federal securities test on Monday by one answer. This is crappy because I need to pass this test so I can make money being a Financial Advisor, so now I have to wait 30 day to take a really simple test I completely blew. Well it better this way because now I can focus on writing my essay, in the mean time. So that's what I'm doing, plus taking care of my beautiful 2.4 year old and still getting settled in after moving back in with in-laws. Lastly, I will try and write at least once a day unless some crazy Bush lead thing goes wrong and I want to make some sense of it. Haste luego.

Quicky

Just a quicky for right now... IMing with sister and friends who eat lots of gummybears (yes Alex that means you) and am about to go pick up my wife at work. If you want to post anything please comment and I will make sure it gets on the Blog.

oh don't for get its High Times today... 4.20

Raza Time

Welcome one and all to my first Blog. Been lurking around the Blogshpere and decided to give it a try, beside getting tired of emailing all the blogs that have points of view I just can't stand. Now I begin to find some of my voice I hope. Don't forget that we are all human and very prone to mistakes and changes of hearts. I do promise to always speak from my true voice, but will also try to listen to reason if I go a bit too far into my own voice. This voice by the way is distincly Chicano which are terrible absent in this medium, except for car related stuff.

Paz, Amor y que Viva la Raza

4.20 - Pass the word to the left hand side...